I love Livejournal and I have had an account here for years. However every time I log in I see my archives and I have realized it is now time for me to move on a bit. I have a wordpress account now and I'm going to start writing my books in earnest. i will still come back regularly (i love everyone on my friends list you guys are even linked for faster readon on my new blog) and i'll still post to bento lunches.

For everything new about me if you want to keep up just go to http://tanalei.com lots of love! I also have myspace and facebook all the links can be found at the new site.

Today just got fantastically better!!!! I just got my Quarterly bonus!!! Woot!!! Another $1220 for this months' income which is fabulous! I might actually be able to get bookshelves now for my books and a few other small kitchen things i have been wanting! Yes i am sooooooooooo happy!!!!!

Ok, the person who decided to equip life with a +10 vorpal broadsword of smiting can kiss my ass.

My stomach is killing me and I have had more bodily evacuations in the past 4 days than i usually do in a month. It's ridiculous and painful. I am hoping it is just flushing whatever I did wrong and making me ready for my healthier diet I have started. Link is to pictures of my lunch for the past week. http://pics.livejournal.com/tanalei/gallery/0000347p I actually started doing bento's for portion control like i have said i would for months now. Actually having breakfast is a good thing! :D

I have also had on and off migraines now that i am attempting to regulate my diet so that i eat properly. the only thing i am still having major issues with is drinking enough water which i always have had a problem with.

Dech after a year of no posting posted about how upset he was that i post in my blog. I found this truly intriguing since this is my primary venting spot for 99% of my worldly frustrations and i just write here i don't necessarily think about what i type. just huge grr factors on that one.

Alex comes to town again on the 14th of February. I have the correct flight times this time so there should be no issues.

I have my yearly in the beginning of March and I am so not looking forward to it. But i need my birth control renewed so /shrug who knows.

well.. until later i guess.

I found my jiggly pen. It has a head that wobbles and hair on it and it's nifty.

Last night Alex flew home after staying the weekend. The email I got from my mom said the flight went out at 7:55PM so I told Al to get all his stuff together at 5:40 pm and figured we would leave in an hour. At 6:40 I told him we were leaving... He didn't have anything at all put up so we rushed to get it all really quick and ran out of the house. On the way to the airport as always I called mom and told her we are on the way with plenty of time to spare. She then advised me that the plan is taking off at 7:05 PM. It is 6:50 while we are speaking. I manage to floor it and make it to the airport, run through the escalators and everything from parking and get him checked in through southwest. We got held up by airport security and an alarm went off on alex's computer so we had to wait for the all clear on that then we finally got to the gate and i got him on board. I wasn't feeling well so i wanted to get home fairly quickly and my throat kept tightening and it was freaking me out. I was having an asthma attack. i had my asthma diagnosis removed when i was 17 years old and haven't had an attack in over 10 years and i forgot how scary it was. I don't have an inhaler and had no idea what to do. My sister said to go to the ER but that's expensive. I ended up laying on the couch and breathing slow and inhaling steam off of my tea as a dehumidifier. Today my throat is still kinda tight and i will probably head to walgreens or somethign and grab an over the counter.

I don't know if there is a way to describe the level of heaven i happen to be floating on at the moment. It's actual pure happiness. for the first time in I don't know how long I woke up with no pain at all with a bounce in my step and wide awake. Gary has managed not only in the bedroom but in everything he does and helps me with in my life lift me to a place of happiness and comfort that I have never before been able to achieve alone or with another person. Prior to meeting Gary I have never craved more to delve into who I am and what i can become as a person. I have never desired to be with a person as much as i like being with Gary. it's just awesome.

I have actually begun to write my book that i have been talking about doing forever and i like where she is going. I asked Gary to paint me a picture i have in my head which i want to (if i ever get it published) to be the book cover. It is a fantasy story about a wealthy family who gives birth to twin girls. Twins are seen to be one of the most evil and foreboding things that can happen at birth and generally they are slain right at birth. (really long story behind this.) However the mother decides since they are identical to raise them as one daughter, one name and identity that they must share forever so that they may both live. It's about their differences and similarities and the problems they face when both love and adversity appear in the same face.

I am living in my own place with Gary things with Michael and Berry have only gotten worse even though I have done everything in my power to fix it. Not to mention they are talking about me to my sister and making our relationship rough. Always fun. I'm virtually not gaming at the moment. The only open game is one i'm not comfortable playing in because of how much the rules are morphed. I'm hoping to get Ogre to run for us however we need more than 2 players for that to work. I finally have a couch and a chair got them right as the new year began and so my home looks like it's a home now with furniture.

I have been cooking whenever I get the chance. Gary generally does dinner for me but I have been having fun with the baking, Last night i made a batch of Ande's creme de mint cookies. They were awesome I swear Ogre and Gary had to have eaten half of the batch :D makes me feel good that people like my baking. Tonight I think I am going to bake soem chocolate ship cookies. Not sure what we are going to do for dinner though. Not sure what Alex will be wanting out of the stuff we have at home. He is such a picky eater.

I got a new Jodi Picoult Book I absolutely love her. It's called the 10th circle and it's
an amazing story. Well i don't have much else at the moment. My new years resolution, well one of them, was to blog more so hopefully I will hold up to that.

I received an email yesterday for my roommate Michael at 12:43pm. It read as follows.

( Email here... )

Alright... As far as i know the only strain in the household is my feelings on Christmas.... I'm not that big of a fan because a lot of important people in my family have died around that time period. It's slightly difficult for me. And i think Christmas lights are tacky. I also didn't know there was resentment growing between any of us.

There is only one option and i can choose.... That's a joke! I went over all my finances with Michael and he damn well knows i can't afford to pay for the full cost of the house we are currently renting. I am breaking even on paychecks paying for half! The fact he has already gone to the landlord and seen to other matters before even talking to me about any issues is absurd and really makes me mad. Not to mention all of this was brought up over the Christmas holiday and these guys are supposed to be HUGE on Christmas! Yeah that's great lets let you be miserable in the house over the Christmas season and your birthday and by giving you time that is roughly a month so let's let you move out on new years day, or even better over your birthday!

And on the security deposit i went and took a fine look at the lease.... I put down $800 for the deposit and $500 for pets... as i recall they paid nothing for their two pets so I'll be damned if they don't refund that amount to me as well. I mean it's only fair.

This evening i am going by two properties the Woodscape apartments and the Chandelaque Apartments that are within 10 miles of work so i can actually save on gas. I'm hoping i like one of the properties and can get everything set up and signed so that i can be out within a week. If i could be out y this weekend I would be ecstatic. But i don't know if i can pull that off.

I so should have known better to not keep my guard up and wait for the other shoe to drop. I am happy for once, i have an amazing BF and i am getting along with my family. Not to mention I live in a nice house and I have a good job. Yup I should have known better.

And as far as remaining friends after this... no way in hell. I mean am I wrong for taking that stance?

I really need to get this out of my system in hopes of not loosing it at the house.

Christmas in my head equals family. I shouldn't have a tree if i don't have a family. Last i checked i have no children and I'm not married therefore in my world this means no tree.

I live with Berry and Michael and berry is almost to the point of stupid crazy over Christmas and he is making it unbearable. I hate lights on houses and colored are the worst. Our house looks like trailer trash now with the funky colored lights on it.

Everything berry wants and such he is playing off of his father's death since he passed away recently. My grandmother passed away on the night of Christmas when i was 13 the same year my dad and my other grandmother passed away. Christmas is a very special time and it feels as if the people i am living with are cheapening it. They call me scrooge and the Grinch because I'm not in with the whole idea of the Christmas over abundance and commercialism that they have on it.

I have been wanting to update my blog for weeks now... and always at the most inopportune times. Mainly when I'm not at a computer. But here is the skinny on my ever unchanging life.

I have to sell my dream car. I have a 2007 Ford Ranger v6 supercab and I love it. It is my dream car and I have wanted one ever since I was 15 and got my drivers permit. However.... The 25 MPG Highway and 20 City just aren't cutting it. At my new job most know i drive 20 miles one way so everyday it is a minimum round trip of 40 miles. That equals on my beloved holy Ranger 1/4 of a tank of gas. So I go through at least 5 tanks a month and it is killing me with gas over $3 a gallon and me having an 18 gallon tank. Yeah Uber Yuck of doom. So I have started car shopping. My goal is to stay in the same budget I currently have when it comes to vehicular objects. which is as follows:

Truck monthly payment: $320
Truck Insurance Payment: $115
Truck Gas: $250-$300 (It's $58 a Tank)
Grand Total: $735 Max

Now with the help of my SO and Roommates we are test driving everything under the sun and budgeting for me because on a $40k/year salary there is no reason for me to be living paycheck to paycheck. Which is what I am currently doing. I will be paying off my Mac completely come tax returns so that I can take $110/month payment off of my must pay list and have a bit more to go to savings.

I'm discovering I love to cook. It's a constant learning experience for me and i find it completely intriguing the urge to make myself lunch everyday and do like bento for me is overwhelming. And sitting down at dinner with the guys and watching them eat what i made and enjoy it is a kicker for me and I'm definitely going to keep it up. It also helps alot with my stress management and lets me "cook the days stress away" I know that sounds absurd but i am absurd so it shouldn't come as anything new.

I'm finding family and friends on Myspace I haven't talked to in forever. I hate the site and reminds me of bad 90's internet but I'm not going to stop browsing it just because of how many people I know browse it. My page is http://www.myspace.com/forever_tanalei

I'm still going through self discover mode. I feel the ever persistent itch to pick up the pen I'm just to chicken shit to do so. unfortunately nothing I have ever written has been good in the very least my eyes let alone someone else's and I don't want to top the Gorgon's in the Hitchhikers Guide as the worst Poetry writer.

Things are going really well with Gary and I we are having a lot of fun and there is a depth to him and his character I have never seen in another human... ever. The terror that runs through me that I will run him off because I'm average is never ending and it's something I really need to get over. I praise him for his reality checks he brings me when I start to flip and the way he makes me actually see the life I'm living. It's amazing. He's my own personal saint.

I really need to continue updating it makes me feel good when I do so it should become a requirement for myself just really hard to remember since even though it makes me feel yummy and squeaky clean on the inside facing the stuff as you write it is hard.

... was odd. Michael and Berry went out on saturday after we hat this huge family meeting on Friday and one of the things we discussed is when we leave we are supposed to say when we are leaving is where we are going and roughly when we are going to get back so the other group doesn't worry. This was ll their issue and they cared about it. 12 hours later and missing an entire gaming session they come home. Yeah I'm peeved. We rant a bit find out what's going on so then Ogre texts us and we run off to hang with him at denny's I fall asleep in a booth on Gary right as the Eve servers are coming down. Get home at like 5:30am and go to bed.

Wake up when stacy calls me at like 9am and i am sicker than a dog and tell her i love her but i'm not coming out. And begin drinking Pepto and go back to sleep. Watch the boondock saints and just have a blah day.

THEN last night I kept having nightmares and freaky dreams when I would try to sleep and realize i was alone no dogs or gary in the bed. So last night I got maybe 4 hours of sleep. Yeah. Rough day attempting not to fall asleep at work on my 4th soda.

Alrighty. I have talked and ranted alot about Gary and never put up a pic so...



Yeah cut straight out of some of Kristin's dreams.

Anyway last night i had an emotional breakdown. It happens we all know Kristin. But it turned out for the best. Sex problem discussed addressed and solved. :D

SO Kristin has posted numerous times how she is soooo excited that she gets to Poteau to Chereena's house to the Halloween party and is having a private cabin in the woods with a Gary for one night with no roommates (even though I love them) and no body else in the residence and a bed an honest to god alone time with me in a costume that makes me look reasonably hot.

I went so far as to get the leather garter belt with little chains off of it that goes under the fluffy skirt and attaches to the red and black fishnets and just grrrr.....

I have spent over $250 on my costume for once in my life to do something for me and to feel reasonably attractive. To go out in public as something other than the normal drab boring Kristin. I was planning on looking amazing for one night then having enough fun after the party with Gary that we would need to sleep in the back of the outlander on the way home. But apparently someone hates me in the cosmic universe and it's not happening.

Chereena's b/f's mom is a psychotic alcoholic. She threatened to beat up Chereena and turn all utilities off etc because Reena hasn't had the chance to pick up envelopes to send 2 invitations to people in California that aren't coming to the halloween party at her house. Yeah very out there. SO bear isn't going to be living there by the weekend and no party will be held.

Since no party no Cabin. No Cain no actually having alone time with a bed for once in 3 months with Gary. Not to mention Hopefully having amazing mind blowing sex because i have my inner nympho back and haven't gotten laid in almost 3 weeks and i just can't take that after being given what accounts to a $200 steak when i am used to burned bacon in bed. Yes he is that good in comparison to my old endevors.

I'm just so sad and depressed over the weekend being canceled i really didn't realize how worked up i got myself with the whole thing and it all going to pieces is really killing me.I completly broke down yesterday at home and Gary got me out of my funk but today i'm sitting up at work being paid to do nothing which kills me and i'm depressed enough not sure what i should do.

Well I have my costume for Halloween and I am so excited. It's so far out in left field from normal me I really think it's something I need. It's this cute Queen of Hearts costume by Leg Avenue and I've had to order sissy pants and a petticoat because when i wear it you can see the bottom 2 inches of my ass in back. Yeah completely not my style. I've broken out the garter straps and the sissy pants and yeah.... whole new realm for me..... I will post pics after halloween with my hair and everything.

Also we are going to Poteau OK with the main attraction being the biggest hill.... yup that's right a hill. My niece Chereena lives there and throws a Huge halloween party every year and this is the first year I have had a chance to go. So yesterday don't know what came overme but something said... you must find out where you will be staying and don't wait for a hotel room when you get down there. Good thing i did, there is a balloon festival the weekend of the 27th as well both hotels are booked and i happened to find a bed and breakfast no one knew about and got 3 rooms for me, gary, michael, berry, stacy, and ralph. and The room for me and Gary is a private cabin....

I realized the other day we have never had a night alone in a house/hotel with a bed since we started dating and i get shit all the time from my roomies because of the way my voice sounds it can pierce walls even if i am not being that loud... so... yeah....

So! Kristin gets this brilliant idea. Since Gary is pretty much living with Kristin, He hasn't slept with me one night since we met, I though Hey! why not actually Clean your closet and move your PJ's in there and give him half the dresser. Wow amazing idea right. So i needed to clean out my closet anyway and so I go about the task, merrily even, and move all my PJ pants/shorts onto a shelf in my closet and all my favorite PJ T-Shirts onto a shelf and Viola! We have 1/2 of Kristin's dresser empty.

Kristin Wanders into the computer room and gives Gary a kiss saying if you want to instead of piling all of your clothes on my hope chest you can have the right side of my dresser so i can sit on my hope chest to put on my pants/shoes in the morning and have a place to put my purse and briefcase at night. He smiles and it like "ok" all is going well right.

Kristin Goes back to her room and decided..... genius that she is.... to set up her speakers around her tv. So setting up commences. While watching TV and putting up speakers brilliant idea strikes. Ice Cream! So i get up and go get some Ice Cream set it on the TV stand and go to sit back down to continue what i was doing. 3 inches off the floor i slip and slam right above the point i had surgery into a very hard piece of plastic and hurt myself fairly badly. Yeah this is where the Darwin award comes in for me. So I fall over crying in pain and Berry comes in saying are you ok? I advise no I'm not and ask him to grab me a Darvocet out of the cabinet from my surgery. So i take it. And discover i'm stuck on the floor after Berry has left my room.

I bellow for the Guys to come help me up and Gary the sweetheart that he is remembered I asked him to tell me to remember to go to sleep at 10pm since I haven't been waking up in the morning.Hearing my bellows he comes in and asks what i'm doing laying on the floor since he knows it is very uncomfortable for me and i advise him i am most assuridly stuck. He gets me up to my feet and into the bed and rubs down my back for 30 min for me to relax some of the muscles that are tense because of stress from work. Not that work is stressful just that they won't give me anything to do which stresses me out now that i'm Salaried at 40k a year.

Right as i'm dozing off he looks at me and says you know you really need to sleep in your nest or you will not be able to move in the morning and I groan not wanting to have to rebuild said surgery nest but.... I build it anyway. and curl up and lock myself in place. I'm entirely grateful for this this morning because if i wouldn't have slept in the nest no way in hell would I ever have gotten out of bed with as much pain as i was feeling. And I take my muscle relaxers etc again like i used to . And get out of bed. I'm really hurting and out of it so i don't trust myself to drive so i ask Gary to do it for me. He is an absolute amazing guy. Drove me up here and will come to pick me up at 4:30pm.

So i get to work and It's flu shot day. Apparently flu shots and pain killers/muscle relaxers don't go well together. they make you really stoned really fast.

but other than all that all is going well.

I apologize for not updating to anyone who reads. But here is life so far.

I'm still with Gary it's been over 2 months now and things are only getting better.

One of my favorite holidays is coming up... Halloween! You get to dress up in things you would never normally wear publicly and I LOVE doing it. This year i have taken a huge chance and am doing something I personally have never before done on Halloween and I'm wearing a very racy outfit. I'm being the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland but I found this adorable dress that doesn't cover the last 2" of my ass.... so! I'm currently hunting for sissy pants and a petticoat so that when people see my ass it's covered in lace and i won't be as embarassed. I mean this is a whole new territory for me and i want to do something new. I also still need to find a Lawn Flamingo and a garter belt to complete the outfit. Not to mention some heeled Mary Janes. I guess i do have a lot more I need for the costume don't I??

Other than the abnormal change in wardrobe nothing really has changed much. Gary is slowly but surely moving more stuff into the house which makes me smile. Tonight I think I'm going to work on cleaning out my closet and moving all my Sleeping pants and T-shirts into the Closet to free up some dresser space for him to use to make life easier and not have guy clothes all over my hope chest so i can actually sit on it when i am putting my pants/shoes on in the morning.

I'm wondering if that would be moving to fast though... in all honesty I'm petrified of scary Gary off i mean i've never been with a nice guy. Someone who wasn't fucking with my emotions or literally beating me so this is really new for me. And i'm really enjoying my new life.

That's the majority of the news atm though so i will attempt to remember to update more regularly. :D

I am frightened by the aging factor of my brother. Today he sent me an IM about how he is frustrated that is old girlfriend wants to beat up his new girlfriend because he left her since she would only let him hang out with her and didn't want him talking to any of his female friends.

He is 11!!!!!!! This isn't supposed to happen at 11!!!!!!


I created a Monster! He is an 11 year old Blonde Hair Blue eye'd boy that is a Blue belt in Karate and lifts weights and works out he's 5'5" and a Nerd. He reads, gets straight A's plays soccer. Yeah and is apparently a player.

What did i do?

Well I have been sick since Wednesday. I am not sure what I have but there is a ton of drainage from my ears and my throat is killing me and i have no voice. Yeah it really sucks.

Realized when I couldn't sleep this morning at 4:30a and went to talk to Gary we have been dating almost 2 months now. Hard to believe time moved that quickly. I brought it up and Gary was like wow... really? And I was like on the 4th so just over a week away and we both kinda took a step back.

Gary either made me sick and i mutated it into the plague or i got sick and got everyone sick. between lacking the ability to breathe and the head swelling pretty much everyone in the house is miserable. Gary had heartburn and digestive issues all night, my stomach is messing with me this morning. It feels like i have been at work all day and i haven't even been here 2 hours yet.

I hate being sick.

I'm pretty sure that's everything for the moment that is happening in my universe.